The day I went into labor with Charlie, I had the biggest stomach ache. I was so nervous and anxious to give birth to him; so many questions were running through my mind. Would I be able to love him as much as I loved Jay? Would Jay be able to feel my love and get the attention he would need with a new baby here? I was so stressed after my water broke at 2 am, I took a shower, got ready, did the laundry, and cleaned the house before Nick finally woke up at 6 am and asked me why on earth I hadn’t woken him up to go to the hospital yet?! I was delaying it. As excited as I was to have our new baby, there was so much fear of the unknown.
Now, fast forward to 24 hours later. I had just given birth to Charlie at 9 pm, and was resting and easing into this new life. And I felt so much peace. Life was good. Jay was still loved, our little Charlie was so so loved, more than I ever imagined I could’ve.
The transition from one to two children can be so daunting, overwhelming and emotional in so many ways. I know it was for me. Those first few weeks, months and even year were so challenging at times, and so beautiful and rewarding at other times. To help anyone going through this transition soon, or anytime in the future, I decided to round up some helpful advice.
I quizzed a few of my favorite Mom friends (who are amazing, strong, and loving Moms, and who experienced this transition within the last couple of years!) on their best tips for surviving the transition from one to two children. Here’s what they said:
On preparing for baby:
“Minimize your life so you can become present with the ones you love, and make managing a house manageable.” -Ellie
“Make all major changes you plan to make for your first child 4 months before baby gets here… room changes, big kid bed, potty training, no more binkie, no more bottle, etc.” -Katie
On loving your second child:
“I’ve had lots of friends who are worried about being able to love their second baby as much as their first, but honestly, your capacity to love just grows.” -Ashley
On giving your first child the attention they need:
“Involve your older child so they don’t feel neglected. My first daughter loves singing to her little sister when she is upset or handing her toys to make her feel better! She is “our baby.” -Ashley
“Make sure to make a lot of eye contact with your children. Eye contact is a signal that you are present and connected.” -Ellie
“Spend one on one time with each child, each day, so they have a good relationship with you. This can be hard, but take advantage of nap time or when another parent or grandparent is there and you can divide and conquer.” -Ashley
“Give your first born a lot of one on one time (like during baby’s naps) even though it will exhaust you at first. It will be worth it because they will act out less in the long run.” -Taylor
“Your older kid needs more active attention over your newborn. Invest in a good sling, wrap, etc. Your baby needs physical touch, food, etc. where your older child needs interaction along with physical touch.” -Katie
“Allow your first born to sit with you while you care for the baby, nurse the baby, bottle feed the baby, etc. it will create a better bond and also, less acting out too.” -Taylor
On their relationship with each other:
“Let them play together without you in the room. They will learn to play and love each other that way. (Yes, there will be fighting too, haha) It will also save your sanity.” -Taylor
“Let them fight. And don’t break it up…unless necessary. They need to figure out how to disagree learn each other’s boundaries and learn each other’s personalities. For us, it has led to my kids fighting less.” -Taylor
“Don’t force your older kid to love the baby… I let mine explore the baby whenever she wanted, but never forced her to love the baby. As she grows older I’m conscious not to tell the older child she is in charge of the baby. I try to avoid things like… is the baby doing ok? Go grab that for the baby… why did you let the baby fall?” Let the older kid still be a little kid, they aren’t the babies parents, you are.” -Katie
On preserving your sanity:
“Get out of your house!” -Katie
“Find time to talk to other Mom’s that are in your situation. It helps to have someone to relate to so you don’t feel like you are the only person in the world dealing with the hard stuff (tantrums, blowouts, lack of sleep, etc.) Plan a weekly playdate where you meet up at a park and chat while your kids play, or get together with your girls friends for a causal girls night. Point is, its helpful and healthy to have people you can relate to.” -Ellie
“Always make them nap at the same time. If your oldest doesn’t want to nap, they do quiet time in their bed during that time. I let mine bring books to his bed. You will love yourself for it. And it will save your sanity.” -Taylor
“Everything takes 100 times longer so try to have a system or a schedule. I have a schedule once in a blue moon and it makes everything much better!” -Katie
“Take time for you to be YOU! It’s so easy to lose yourself in motherhood and sometimes feel like you are growing or like motherhood is all that defines you. Don’t lose you! Find even one small thing that makes you feel alive and excited.” -Katie
“Train yourself to go to bed earlier. Learn to be a morning person and take time for yourself. Nourishing your mind and body before your children wake up, allows you to be prepared to nourish you children’s minds and bodies throughout the day.” -Ellie
“It’s ok to take naps! Nap when your babies nap. And seriously, go to bed earlier!” -Ellie
“Get babysitters and go on a weekly date with your man.” -Katie
On Expectations:
“Realize that you will have hard days and accept that it’s ok. Ease up on your expectations of yourself and accept help from friends, family and neighbors.” -Ashley
“Have zero expectations. My number one rule.” -Taylor
“Your kids can watch TV and you’re still a good mom. Adding a new kid to the mix is exhausting and you can’t be “on” 24/7.” -Taylor
“Give yourself some credit and know that you are the perfect mother for your children and you are doing wonderful! No one could mother your kids the way YOU mother your kids.” -Katie
How great are these tips?? And do you have any that you can share on the transition? I know its so different for everyone!
