Who would you invite into your delivery room? Or who did you invite into your delivery room? There are so many different options: husband/partner, family, friends, doula, birth photographer or even doing it all alone.
When I gave birth, Nick and I decided that it would just be the two of us in the delivery room, along with our OBGYN and nurses. That first time I went through labor, with Jay, was one of the most sacred and beautiful experiences I’ve ever had. I loved the intimate environment it created just having a few of us there. And I loved that this man, who I loved more than anyone, was the one there supporting me, helping me do counter-pressure, letting me squeeze his hand when the contractions were just too painful to handle on my own anymore.
We figured it out together, struggled together, and went through all of the beautiful, painful, emotional magic together. He was my rock, and that experience, as well as the birth of Charlie bonded us together so powerfully.
Having said that, I think this choice is such a personal one, and can be so different for everyone, even for the same person in a different phase of their life. Having someone else there to support, comfort, or provide a service can be so helpful, and even crucial at times. Here are a few friends of mine (and even my amazing grandma!) and their varying experiences discussing the question “who did you invite into your delivery room, and what was your experience?”
Also, stick around for the end because there’s some insight on this topic from two friends who are a midwife and a birth photographer!
Mother/Father + best friend in the room:
“From a very young age I always knew that I wanted my mother to be there during my labors. As the third eldest of six children, I knew she would be able to help me and keep me calm. Having her there was the best decision I made. She provided me with strength and ongoing encouragement that only a Mother can.
I was very lucky to have my best friend in attendance acting as my midwife with all three of my children. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciated that familiar face. Her being there put me at ease straight away. I trusted her implicitly and all the decisions she made.”
So along with Benjamin(husband), my Mum and Dad, my Mum doesn’t drive so my Dad was also there for he births, and Carrie my midwife, I had the best team facilitating my birth and making it the best experience possible.” -Amie (Sheffield, England)
Birth Photographer:
“Birth is pretty amazing. I’ve always been a hypnobirthing mama so we look at birth as the most peaceful spiritual and incredible miracle.. so having someone there to document it was pretty crucial for me. With my little reagan we had Caitlyn cutler films. I still go back and watch that video at LEAST once a month, she just was able to capture the feels that immediately take me back to the euphoria I was experiencing having it be my first. She came in the thick of pushing so I honestly didn’t even notice she was there!
With Grayson he came so fast and early we weren’t able to get Caitlyn there in time.. but my best friend was miraculously in town and having her there to photograph was a total dream. It was having my two favorite people there (her and my husband dude) to cheer me on and witness the pretty incredible miracle.” -Lexi (Utah)
Doula + family:
“The most important decision my husband and I made for the birth of our baby was who was going to be in the room. I decided to go unmedicated (different story for a different time). My husband and I had a counsel with everyone that was going to be in the room before I gave birth. We wanted them to read the birth plan and make sure they knew the environment we wanted. We told the individuals that we wanted in the room that if they couldn’t keep the environment peaceful and support me then they weren’t invited in. That sounds harsh but I wanted my birth to be peaceful and I needed support. I didn’t want criticism or judgement of the choices I was making.
My Aunt Debbie was my doula. It was important that my doula knew what I wanted and that we had a connection. I have always felt a strong connection with Debbie so it just made sense to have her there. Her and my husband were the only voices that centered me during the afterbirth. My mom was a no brainer decision for me. My mom has supported me in my toughest times and I wanted that same support from her. She gave me foot massages, cold rags on my back, and so much more.
I picked to have my sister there because she is my best friend. She is honest with me and I knew she would be a great person to have in the room to help me through birth. She has always encouraged me in my pursuits and I knew this would be no different. She was my photographer and cheerleader. My mother-n-law was my final choice. I debated about this for months! I didn’t know if I would be comfortable with her seeing me naked and wasn’t sure if I would be nervous with having her there. I was so glad I had her there. She supported me with nursing and taking video! She was an uplifting person to have there. These people helped create the birth I wanted! If I could go back I would do it the same way again.” -Chelsea (Orem, UT)
No spouse in the room:
“Dads (or any other family) were not allowed in the room. The prevailing theory was that they would just be in the way, and they might faint! (At least that is what I remember) Also, when Joanne, my first, was born I had no prenatal classes, so it was a whole new experience! Pretty scary. Grandpa was in the waiting room, waiting, waiting. When she finally was born, Dale and Renee (my two other grandparents) were there because Renee had delivered Daren 4 days before. They said Grandpa was just so thrilled to be looking through the glass windows at Joanne, she was so beautiful.” -Judy (aka Grandma) (Lethbridge, Canada)
Insight from a Midwife:
“Just go with your instincts and do whats best for you. Things can change in labour, you can always ask people to leave or ask people to be there. Labor and birth are both magical, wonderful events. Make sure you surround yourself with the person/people you wish to share that with.” -Amie (Sheffield, England)
Insight from a Birth Photographer:
“Having been a birth photographer for the last four+ years, you master the art of being a fly on the wall. It’s this balance of not existing so that you’re not taking away from what’s happening, but secretly crying ugly tears in the corner as you get to witness one of the/of not THE biggest moment in this mom’s life.” -Lexi (Utah)
Now, I’d love to hear your experiences! Who did you have in your delivery room? Or who would you invite into your delivery room?